I went back and I read that post from what...7 days ago? It feels like a year. And my outlook has shifted completely...while my students still yell and shout and throw things, and while I still yell and shout and stand there, none of it seems as serious anymore. The lightness of this job struck me sometime circa Sunday afternoon, and it just doesn't seem like such a big horrible deal anymore.
So it's a job. I go in every day and I'm not great at it, but that's okay. I can get better, slowly, over time, and with many setbacks, and a lot of plateauing...and I'm okay with that. And most importantly...it is just a job. Whether I get good at it and start tracking my students' achievement and running my classroom like a well-oiled TFA machine or not, I still get to go home every afternoon and every weekend. I can still listen to Iron & Wine in my headphones while I type up guided notes, and watch TV on Wednesday and Thursday nights, and take long drives to hear concerts and visit friends and see my parents.
Life outside of school is wonderful. And life inside of school is funny, difficult, and most importantly progressing inevitably forward.
I want to tell stories about my kids now, and actually paint this picture for you, but I have to leave for grad school pretty soon so I can find parking around UPenn and have time for dinner. So to illustrate my lack of classroom management for you, let me end with some quotes from my 5th period boys, responding to the prompt "How do you feel about this class?".
"I feel like this class is fun until we get to learnin, that is when we need to get serious. Our teacher is kind and I think we are not giving her the respect that she needs. I like this class and we need to get serious."
"The way I feel about this class is it's hard to learn. This class is very bad. I can't further my education in this class. You can't learn in this class because everybody is talking and playing. They are disrespecting the teacher, that's why I am happy I am transfering out."
"The way I feel about this class is that it's not fair that when people act up it's not everybody - but all the people's grades go down. This class act like they don't wanna learn. It's not fair to everybody."
"I feel that this class is too loud and obnoxious. Everybody jokes around which is honestly not that bad, but it disturbs me too much. I can't get my work done half the time. And the fights in this class make my class look uncivilized."
"I feel that this class disrespects the teacher too much and don't know when to stop joking and get serious."
"I don't feel nothing. But I would take it serious if the work was harder."
"I feel like I cannot learn because of the noise from my classmates and I can not do my work and concentrate on anything you teach."
"I feel like this class is ok when we actually learn something."
"I feel like I'm not learning anything in this class because people is talking."
"I like this class. Other than the talking, the rude remarks, cursing, fighting, trash talking, ignoring the rules...this is class is alright."
"I feel kind of lonely in this class cause theres no girls and that is kinda strange."
"I think you is a good teacher. I think this class just needs girls."
"I feel shitty and embarrased about my class because if 1 person mess up we all mess up."
"I feel funny, like I can't take this class because everybody makes me laugh."
"What I feel about this class is this class is cool, but sometimes the class acts crazy and the teacher acts mean and puts people in trouble."
"This class need sum girls and these kids in this class need to grow up. This class is too much."
So it's a job. I go in every day and I'm not great at it, but that's okay. I can get better, slowly, over time, and with many setbacks, and a lot of plateauing...and I'm okay with that. And most importantly...it is just a job. Whether I get good at it and start tracking my students' achievement and running my classroom like a well-oiled TFA machine or not, I still get to go home every afternoon and every weekend. I can still listen to Iron & Wine in my headphones while I type up guided notes, and watch TV on Wednesday and Thursday nights, and take long drives to hear concerts and visit friends and see my parents.
Life outside of school is wonderful. And life inside of school is funny, difficult, and most importantly progressing inevitably forward.
I want to tell stories about my kids now, and actually paint this picture for you, but I have to leave for grad school pretty soon so I can find parking around UPenn and have time for dinner. So to illustrate my lack of classroom management for you, let me end with some quotes from my 5th period boys, responding to the prompt "How do you feel about this class?".
"I feel like this class is fun until we get to learnin, that is when we need to get serious. Our teacher is kind and I think we are not giving her the respect that she needs. I like this class and we need to get serious."
"The way I feel about this class is it's hard to learn. This class is very bad. I can't further my education in this class. You can't learn in this class because everybody is talking and playing. They are disrespecting the teacher, that's why I am happy I am transfering out."
"The way I feel about this class is that it's not fair that when people act up it's not everybody - but all the people's grades go down. This class act like they don't wanna learn. It's not fair to everybody."
"I feel that this class is too loud and obnoxious. Everybody jokes around which is honestly not that bad, but it disturbs me too much. I can't get my work done half the time. And the fights in this class make my class look uncivilized."
"I feel that this class disrespects the teacher too much and don't know when to stop joking and get serious."
"I don't feel nothing. But I would take it serious if the work was harder."
"I feel like I cannot learn because of the noise from my classmates and I can not do my work and concentrate on anything you teach."
"I feel like this class is ok when we actually learn something."
"I feel like I'm not learning anything in this class because people is talking."
"I like this class. Other than the talking, the rude remarks, cursing, fighting, trash talking, ignoring the rules...this is class is alright."
"I feel kind of lonely in this class cause theres no girls and that is kinda strange."
"I think you is a good teacher. I think this class just needs girls."
"I feel shitty and embarrased about my class because if 1 person mess up we all mess up."
"I feel funny, like I can't take this class because everybody makes me laugh."
"What I feel about this class is this class is cool, but sometimes the class acts crazy and the teacher acts mean and puts people in trouble."
"This class need sum girls and these kids in this class need to grow up. This class is too much."
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